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| Dealing With Bullies |
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STRATEGIES FOR
TEACHERS
HOW TO DISCUSS BULLYING BEHAVIOR WITH A BULLY Make the message absolutely clear that bullying behavior is non-acceptable When time allows, attempt to discover underlying problems that the aggressor may be experiencing and provide appropriate support and/or referrals Provide the bully with a quiet place to calm down HOW TO HELP THE VICTIMS OF BULLYING BEHAVIOR
DO'S AND DON'TS FOR TEACHERS DEALING WITH BULLIES
When Dealing With Bullies FIRST PRINCIPLES Although resources will always
be
limited, we as teachers and students have a responsibility to
know
which interventions are likely to work and which are unlikely to
work. For example, much research has been done in areas of other
types of abuse that parallel bullying and we can learn from this
research simply by following the relevant parallels and the
interventions that have been tried with them:
FOUR PHASES OF SOCIAL REACTION TO ABUSE Exactly what are we doing about the bully problem? As teachers, parents and students are we doing enough? Do we not care because it hasn't yet effected us? Will we simply remain a part of the silent majority and look the other way? The questions surrounding abuse of any kind are never easy to answer. We might shrug our shoulders, we might react with angry comments or gasps but, for the most part, we just wonder why some people do what they do and then go off on our merry ways. It has only been in the last 60 years that civilized societies have begun to take abuse crimes seriously so we are still more or less experimenting with both the questions and the answers. So, the question remains: "What exactly are we doing about the bully problem?" And better still: "What exactly are YOU doing about it?" Society has reacted to sexual
abuse, spousal abuse, sexual harassment, hate crimes and
bullying:
INTERVENTION STATISTICS
TRAINING VICTIMS Although it is never the
victim's
fault we must still do what we can to educate them in order that
they might be free of the type of harassment normally caused by
bullies. There is, however, one major problem with educating
victims
in that by attempting to "train" them to do all of the
right things when in the company of bullies we are actually
encouraging them to blame themselves and causing them to think
that
it is they who are in need of this specialized education. Like
the
disadvantages, the advantages are obvious, but either way, right
or
wrong, here is how we educate the victims:
Disadvantages: Encourages victims to blame themselves "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." ~ Eleanor Roosevelt
SCHOOL AND COMMUNITY INTERVENTION Everyone must be involved in
helping solve the bully problem that exists at school and in the
community. Teachers, parents, students, clergy, youth group
leaders
and other community members who might be locally known for their
involvement in sports or the arts must do whatever they
can
to speak out, to intervene and to help guide children toward a
life-path of non-violence. Bringing a local children's
entertainer
or sports celebrity into the classroom to speak on the topic and
to
engage the children in discussions concerning the disadvantages
of
hitting, pushing and name calling is one idea. Here are a few
key
topics of discussion for educators and community members that
may
help bring concerned people together in order to help solve the
bully problem:
CONSEQUENCES There must be consequences
involved for those who take part in acts of bullying. Detention
and
denying bullies certain privileges is a start but if these
penalties
are of no value then it is our responsibility to find out what
type
of repayment is going to cause the bully to react in a positive
manner. Providing an environment of people, school mates and
friends
who look down upon such acts can also help as a deterrent
because it
puts bullies in the uncomfortable situation of embarrassing and
humiliating themselves, but even with this there must come
further
consequences and these consequences must be:
Consistent use of consequences will reduce bullying and are a necessary component of effective prevention. Inconsistent enforcement makes the problem worse.
EDUCATING THE MAJORITY Those of us who do not bully
others but have continued to remain silent when it comes to
intervening in such issues are of the majority. It is because of
our
numbers that we have the opportunity to offer a positive
contribution when it comes to the bully problem. Enforcement of
rules and consequences are helpful but continuous thought and
actions must be in place to ensure a safe environment at school
and
in our neighborhoods. Here are a few things teachers and
students
can do to help stop bullying and to educate the silent
majority:
THE BULLIES HOME ENVIRONMENT Food For Thought: One thing we as teachers and students must remember is that bullies often come from homes where there is little warmth and parental attention, and where parents discipline inconsistently using physical punishment and emotional outbursts.
DEALING WITH BULLIES - EDUCATION AND COUNSELING Formal: Structured education and counseling that stresses acknowledging actions, empathy development and restitution. May be effective if paired with consequences. Informal: Serious talks, requests to apologize, asking why, pleading, and expressions of frustration. These are unlikely to help and may even make the situation worse.
WHAT BULLIES NEED TO DO Everything we do impacts upon
our
lives and in many instances these actions impact upon the lives
of
others. Bullies don't see this. Their actions are for the
moment,
for attention and for self-gratification. They see no one as the
victim and those who must suffer at the hands of the bully are
looked upon as nothing more than easy pickings and a way to be
noticed by others. Bullies must be made to understand how their
actions effect others and how others look at them because of
their
actions. Here is a list of seven things bullies must
do:
SUPPORTING THE VICTIMS Victims and potential victims
need
to discuss the issues that surround bullying. As in most abuse
situations, education is the key. Discussing the problem, asking
questions and developing answers that relate to the problem is
important. Special in-class activities such as skits, list
making
and/or drawing and coloring exercises can help. All of this
along
with support from your local community can go a long way into
discovering ways of lessening the bullying problems on your
school
ground and in your neighborhood. Here are a few things to
remember
when dealing with victims and potential victims:
USEFUL QUESTIONS TO ASK BULLIES Most reactions to bullying
incidents are spontaneous, emotional and are looked upon by the
bully as just another idle threat. A moment for thought along
with
the proper environment is necessary to clear the air and to ask
all
of the right questions. Here are six questions you can ask the
perpetrator once you have them in a comfortable
environment:
ALTERNATIVES TO SAYING I'M SORRY The words "I'm
sorry"
are probably the most over-spoken words in the world and such a
convenient apology when no others are available or suggested.
However, once this simply apology has taken place a bully will
forget about it and continue harassing his or her victim.
Bullies
must be forced to confront their actions head on and to
apologize
not simply with words but with actions. Here are a few
alternatives
to saying "I'm sorry".
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